This week in the news:
Council still alive, heading for some unknown destination
After Town Hall took off into outer space – as part of some 130 year old joke by Diane Vines, oracle of town -, the fate of Doris Waters and the Council was unknown. Some expected them to die, or… Well, actually most people expected them to die. It’s not like they are geniuses.
This week, however, they somehow managed to publish a Public Service Announcement explaining that they are alive and we should not worry about their wellbeing. Apparently the spaceship is taking them to some far-off destination, probably even outside our own universe, and there is no way to turn the spaceship back to town.
The news has spread like wildfire, and most citizens have spent the weekend celebrating. In fact, there are still many people who are celebrating, drinking and shouting “Free at last!”, and many have called for the 1st of October to be a town holiday, in commemoration of the event. Several people have also started to build statues to honour Diane Vines, for ridding us from the tyranny of the Council.
The kidnapping of the Council has other consequences for the town politics, chiefly the fact that the elections for Mayor can now be held without the interference of the Council. Vee, who has recently been discharged from prison with no charges, is currently working with a team of legal experts, led by Eleanor West, to hold the elections as soon as possible.
Forbidden District burns in great fire
A white fire has engulfed the Forbidden District. Several animals – which we are going to back to in our next news report – have fled the jungle that had been illegally grown in the District. The source of said fire is unknown, but it has been going since Monday, which points out towards a highly powerful source – or highly flammable jungle. Serves them right.
Several witnesses spoke of a boom and the fire growing to spectacular proportions in a very short timespan. This, however, does not match the damages that the neighbouring Districts have received, which should have been greater if the witnesses’ accounts are to be taken as true.
A few of them pointed out that there were some nuns performing some sort of containment spell that would not have allowed the blast to damage anything or anyone outside the Forbidden District’s perimeter. There is no solid evidence that this is true – which is quite suspicious considering everyone carries a camera with them at all times now that smartphones are a thing -, and the nuns have neither confirmed nor denied the truth of these statements.
The Witches have been contacted to see if they need some sort of help or something, but none of them were available, either. They are Witches, so they should have enough magic power to escape anyway. Not like anyone is going to risk their lives for some people who never interact with anyone else, right?
(OK, we are trying to make up some lame excuses to justify ourselves and avoid feeling the guilt of the decaying social values and a viewer kind of morality. Before we make things even worse, we are going to proceed with the next piece of news).
Animals seen cooperating all over town
This is a piece of news that should have been covered a long time ago, and this article is going to be a giant piece of shit journalism, but whatever.
The animal community of town has been a lot calmer ever since the Apocalypse. The tensions in the mammal communities have decreased, and animals can now be seen cohabitating peacefully all through town. This is particularly true for cats and dogs, who don’t mind sharing spaces anymore.
It seems that all animals in Fiery Creek banded together against the Black Mamba threat, as all members of the Black Mamba gang were found dead after the Apocalypse. Among them was a gigantic black mamba which had been spotted by several citizens before the Apocalypse. The corpses had bite marks of different sizes, including those of alligators and dogs.
Now that the Black Mamba gang is not active anymore, things seem to have calmed down for most animals. The leaders of cats and dogs could not be reached for comment, and it seems that the harmonious living is going to be happening for quite some time. Human members of the Fiery Creek community are happy to hear these news, but fear that so many good news cannot come with some bad turn somewhere.