The date

“You know, I don’t intend to be hurtful…”

“But you are going to be anyway”.

“Well, yes. This coffee is not very good at all”.

“Do you know how many people have died for this coffee?”

Jane looked around at the rest of the Starbucks. “I’d estimate around 35 people?”

In a sudden arm movement, Alissa destroyed the bathroom. There were screams inside, which finally faded as the rubble and humans inside were compressed to a small cube the size of a trash can. “That makes 38” she said.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I really appreciate the effort it took to kill these people. It’s just that the coffee here has never been great, and since there is no incentive for improvement…”

Alissa sighed. “I know. Things have been pretty stuck ever since humanity found Enlightenment”.

Jane held Alissa’s hand, and smiled at her. “Hey, don’t feel down. This is the best date I’ve been to so far”.

“So far?” Alissa did not like those words.

“Yes, so far, because I’m sure our second date is going to be even better” Jane said.

The response took Alissa by surprise. She smiled at Jane, held her hand, and pushed her up “Let’s go. We’ll find a better place”.

As they were walking out, Jane stopped for a moment. “Do you think we should… I don’t know, destroy the place, or something?”

“I guess we should? I don’t know, I’m just not very good at this ‘being a supervillain’ thing”.

“Same here” Jane answered, while looking at the shop. “Maybe I can infuse these corpses with artificial minds, and use them to terrorize the city?” she suggested.

“That sounds villainous” Alissa conceded. “But only the ones that are in a proper condition”.

Jane concentrated her psychic powers, which made a small bright circle appear in her forehead. Several rays of light emanated from the circle, and hit the corpses in the Starbucks. The dead bodies rose back up to their feet, and exited the shop. The two women walked out, and looked at the policemen who had gathered outside.

“Please, we ask you to stop your criminal activities” one of them shouted.

“I’ll take care of them” Jane said, and she telepathically commanded the dead that she was controlling to attack the policemen.

The twenty or so corpses that were under her control attacked the agents that had surrounded the coffee shop. These men and women, shooting courageously, were not phased when any of them fell, and, without letting their emotions cloud them, they dealt with the dead effectively. Alissa looked extremely annoyed when she had to stop the stray bullets that flew towards them in the fight.

“Don’t you get angry that your comrades died?” she asked the policemen.

“No. We are going to miss them, but anger goes against Enlightenment. The best thing that we can do to honour their memory is to give them a dignified goodbye, and to try to stop you to the best of our power” one of them said.

Everyone seemed to agree.

“I can’t believe this!” she yelled. She then turned towards Jane. “Not even the slightest reaction!”

“Do you want me to…?”

“No, no. You must be tired. Let me do this”.

Alissa advanced towards the police agents. They warned her not to walk another step, but she did not listen. When they started shooting her, she deflected the bullets back towards them. Some of them were injured, but others were still trying to fight her. She pushed the ground open, and an enormous crack surrounded the police cars and agents. A nearby building started to sink, and Alissa pushed it to the ground, and down into the crack.

“I think that qualifies as supervillainous?” she said.

“I hope so. I’ve killed several police agents, and all of the innocents in that building. Plus, damaged a lot of infrastructure”.

“Anyway, what now?” Jane asked.

Alissa thought about it. “Let’s go find a coffee shop where we can get some decent coffee”.

She held Jane and started to fly away.

***

The next morning, Alissa was reading the news on the computer, looking for any sort of information about the destruction that they had provoked. She found a small piece of news. “Destruction in Clover Street” it read. The news report explained that a crack had opened on the ground, and that it had produced important destruction. No mention of Jane and her producing the destruction, and fighting and killing the policemen. It had all been deemed a part of a natural disaster.

“Damn it!” Alissa cursed.

War

Dear Vera,

Get ready for this, because this week I have some sad news.

My boss, the sub-Lieutenant Third of the American Branch of the Illuminati, has passed away. I never got to know him, because he wasn’t my boss before, and because he was in hospital the whole time while he was my boss. In fact, I have never seen his face, because it got terribly disfigured by that giant fiery bird that everyone keeps talking about. Now that I have taken his position, I hope the best for him in the afterlife, and I hope to honour his memory by fulfilling my duties as sub-Lieutenant Third of the American Branch of the Illuminati.

Now that I’ve given you some good news, it’s time for the actual bad news.

The Freemasons have declared war on the Illuminati. Apparently, as our forefathers predicted, the Illuminati and the Freemasons would eventually fight on the greatest war on all of history, which would be fought in the Plains of Angst and Sorrow and would decide the destiny of humanity as it moves on a speck of dust through the vast infinity of void that is the universe. During this war, one will destroy the other, and the winner will shape the world to its image.

This makes me extremely sad. I mean, I have read some of the pamphlets that the Freemasons give out in the streets, and they are very similar to our own. Most of them involve luring people to restaurants, bars and clubs with special offers and to kidnap them, to brainwash them later on so that they acquire the company values. The Freemasons and the Illuminati have so much in common! I think both companies would benefit from collaboration instead of competition, and I’ve tried to explain this to the warring leaders of the Illuminati, but all explanations have been met with tribal dances of power.

As the Illuminati are preparing for war, I feel the urge to try to negotiate with the Freemasons. I think I’m going to try to go pay them a visit on my own, just to see what I can manage to do with dialogue. It’s probably going to be extremely dangerous, and the Freemasons will think that this is just a strategy for me to distract them. But I need to try. I think peace is the only way for us to manage to make this a better world.

Hope it goes well!

Jan

Anniversary!

I have not been posting anything recently. The last couple of months have been pretty busy with work, my studies… Oh, well, I guess that’s life.

However, I’m taking the anniversary of this blog (- It’s been 1 year since you started sharing stories here? You’re getting old… – Shhhhhhhut up!) to get back to writing here a bit more regularly, with weekly updates, and new stories to entertain you. If these can make you smile, I’ll be happy to share them.

And, as always, thanks for taking the time to read all of these, if it wasn’t for you readers of this blog, I wouldn’t have had such enjoyable writing experiences!