Seminar

Dear Vera,

I hope you are receiving my letters. I imagine that you are, because I have received three more letters from you and Alek (thank you for telling him where I am, by the way! I had not had the time to write to him).

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to read any of these letters, and I think there is some sort of pattern with this that I am not capable of discovering. One of your letters suddenly turned into a fiery phoenix when I opened it, and flew out of my window before I could get it to give me your message.

Your second letter literally started to materialize in gigantic letters. It was quite a weird experience: the words started to fall out from the letter, and they grew in size until they filled my apartment (oh, yes, I forgot to tell you! Now that I am officially working for the Illuminati, I have a company flat, which I share with three shadowy figures who look like they’ve turned into one with their shadows). It took a bit of effort, but I managed to open the window, and the letters started to grow out of the window, flowing out and shattering against the floor, several floors below. When I tried to reconstruct the pieces, they turned to dust.

Finally, Alek’s letter must have disappeared, and I feel like it had never existed in the first place. All memory of it has disappeared from my mind, and everyone else’s minds. Nobody remembers that letter, but I had apparently written the first paragraph of this letter before Alek’s letter disappeared out of existence. I am now doubting whether the letter has actually ever existed. Weird.

Anyway, let’s get back to the topic. I’ve attended a few seminars this week, and some extra training. Apparently, every Priest and Priestess of the Dark Lord, Assistant of the sub-Lieutenant Third of the Illuminati branches need to be sacrificed every 23rd of February to quench the thirst of blood of the Dark Lord. My boss, Lisa, has told me that I might take her position if she gets sacrificed, or that I might be the sacrifice myself if she manages to murder her boss and take his position. I am happy to hear that there are many and fast routes for promotion in the Illuminati.

Seeing that I am going to have to participate in the great sacrifice, we have had a few seminars to remind us of the protocol for the Dark Mass. Cloaks and fancy attire are a must, and blood daggers are also necessary for the ritual sacrifice. I have been told that it is considered rude to keep a mobile phone in the Magic Stone Pocket of the cloak, and that the Dark Lord once enslaved and destroyed humanity because of a similar incident. This was apparently in another timeline of our universe.

I was also told that I would get to see the Dark Lord, who is the one that actually controls all of humanity and the universe. We the Illuminati are just the Dark Lord’s executing hands. Sounds quite amazing! I am going to get to see the actual boss of my company! I think that is so considerate of the Dark Lord, approaching the workers of the company and showing that we are part of something greater than ourselves. It’s so much better than one of those corporations where the boss is just an unknown being who, for some unknown reason, manages the company.

Anyway, I’ll send more news as soon as I know what’s going on. Wish me luck for the promotion! I really hope I get it!

Regards,

Jan

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