I am sorry that I have not been answering your phone calls and texts and emails and… well, pretty much any sort of communication recently. I’ve had quite a lot on my plate, moving to a new city, and getting used to it, and also, my new employer is quite strict about communication with family members. But I’m writing with good news today!
So I’m completely installed in New York now. You do remember that I was going to move to a flat-share, right? Well, apparently it was a total scam, and when I asked a taxi driver to take me there, he told me that no such street existed. I tried to get a hotel room, but all of them were fully booked, and thus had to wander all night long in the streets of Manhattan.
I went into a bar to get a drink, and, I have to tell you, it was full of such nice people! The people there were all suited up corporate lawyers and investment bankers, like those cold, manipulative and calculating businesspeople that you see in films. Only they were so nice and approachable! One of them offered to keep my luggage safe, while another said that he was going to maintain my wallet under his protection, and that his intention was to make my assets grow. So nice!
These people were, of course, extremely busy, so they had to leave in a hurry, and they took my things with them for safekeeping. So, when I walked out of the bar, I started to stroll randomly, and ended up in quite a nice neighbourhood that I had never heard about: The Occult Neighbourhood. The people there were wearing cloaks, and masks, and greeted other people with complex social rituals, and I was just enchanted by it. New York is such a melting pot for different cultures!
So a couple of people in black cloaks held me by the arms and took me to a pitch black skyscraper topped by a golden triangle. In a small room in there, they took my clothes away and did a full medical examination, and you know what the best part of this is? It was for free! And asked me whether I was desperate for a job that I found fulfilling and to have an effect in the world order. I told them that I had come to New York looking for a job, and that a couple of investment bankers had taken my money and things for safekeeping, but I was sure that they would give it back and help me with the flat situation.
Hearing that, they decided that I was fit for an intern position in their company, and I asked what that company was. I couldn’t believe it! In just one day, I had obtained an internship in one of the leading world-controlling companies of the world, and the job included housing and medical and dental care! It’s so nice to be part of the Illuminati!
The induction process is quite long, and I am studying a lot to be able to go into the position. I find that, having studied an MBA, my business and marketing skills are quite strong, but I never studied The Revised History of the World, which explains how the Spanish Inquisition was just a mind-controlling experiment that made all of Europe imagine that there was such a thing as a Spanish Inquisition. Dark runes is quite a fun subject, and reminds me of that time in which Mike and I pretend-played that we were wiccan witches, and we accidentally summoned The Behemoth, who was the prime suspect in the Campus Killings (but it’s now considered a proven fact that the vice-provost was the one who committed the murders). Yes, Dark runes really reminds me of the fond memories.
My examination and (hopefully, if I pass!) induction into the Illuminati are going to be next week. Until then, wish me luck! I think I’ve found a job that might actually be quite fulfilling. Please tell mom and dad that I’m OK.