OK, so WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
I am not happy. Not happy AT ALL. Yes, you guessed right, it’s my bitch sister once more. No, that slut did not have enough with stealing a section from this magazine for her stupid spells. That fucking attention seeking whore was not satisfied with getting away without any punishment from destroying invaluable beauty supplies.
That hoe now had to take the spotlight and get proclaimed a town hero.
Yes. I have to repeat, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Nobody in their senses understands this fucking nonsense. It’s like, don’t you get that she is a criminal that should have been convicted? Like, what has she ever done for our town? Destroy beauty supplies, which, as I have explained before, are a pillar to our society, get away with her crime… Oh, and publish some useless spells, taking up magazine space where there could be something more useful, like the new paleo-sugar-free-gluten-free-caffeine-free-fat-free-protein-free-detox diet.
I promise you, one of these days I’m going to kill that bitch. This town needs a vigilante, and that’s going to be me if nobody else is going to stand up for what’s right.
Anyway, let’s get back to business. Today I’m going to tell you about Ardesant, the most recent and most important beauty product that you just need to have right now. I know what you are going to say “but Lynda, why do I need to have this if I already have all of the other potions?”
OK, this one is a bit tricky. It is the kind of potion that does not seem to do anything, but actually makes the effect of all other potions more potent, and arranges them all so that they are just right. It’s basically like the base, but for beauty potions. It’s just great, and I’m very proud of having discovered this recently.
So, in order to make this potion, you will need 7000 metric tons of water, a teaspoon of glucose and time. You just pour the glucose in the water and heat the whole thing until it reaches 32ºC, and keep it there for the next 7 days. Then you have to keep the whole mixture at 31.6ºC for exactly 4 days 18 hours 54 minutes and 23 seconds, and finally let it sit at 24ºC for two whole weeks. You then have to add another 1000 metric tons of water.
This potion just works wonders. You combine it with the other potions and it will make you look stunning, better than you have ever been before.