This is the horoscope for this week. As always, remember that in weeks with more than two primes the prediction gets reversed, and that the week of the full moon horoscopes don’t work. On the other hand, if there is an eclipse somewhere in the world, horoscopes work an infinitesimal factor of d better.
Aries: good job staying hidden for this week. A sweet old lady will help you this week. Please don’t kill her. Just promise me you won’t, OK?
Leo: I know that going back in time, kicking the Egyptians’ and Aztecs’ asses and retrieving the pyramids for Walter Simmons may sound like a good deal, even though you did not steal those pyramids, but let’s just not break time even more, please. The timeline breaking could reach a point of no return in which the universe will just implode.
Virgo: I think it’s actually a better idea to just stay in prison for some more time, see how things go and just let the people believe that you are a victim to political arrest. Just take it easy.
Sagittarius: not much for you this week. That’s weird. Anyway, don’t think you’ve fooled me.
Capricorn: that was a bit of an abrupt start, but a start anyway. Now you are part of the gang, and I have to congratulate you on that. You should, however, ask them to somehow cover the entrance to the Arc. It’ll just make matter simpler to solve.
Aquarius: I think it’s going to be a calm week for you too.
Pisces: you have a probability of exactly 17/124 of spontaneously turning into a meerkat this week. There are already hogs all around town, so the allusions to the Lion King story will probably happen more than once. Don’t take offense, they are just an ignorant bunch.