I’m sorry to do this again. It looks like I use this space to bitch and tell my problems to you guys, but this time I really need it. Yes, you guessed right: my little sister is being a bitch once more.
This time, she has decided to sue me for destroying a lifetime of beauty supplies, including a potion called Azelyte for which she had given away her own heart. This is after I saved her life countless times during the Apocalypse and the Heatwave, and protected her from several monsters. So, as the saying goes, ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. It’s quite sad, if you ask me.
Anyway, so I’m in preventive imprisonment, because I might (quote) “go around destroying more beauty supplies, because I’m a serial beauty supply destroyer”. You’d think it’s bad, but the thing is that most of the criminals who were here died during the Apocalypse, and the ones who survived had to face the scorching heatwave, as absolutely everyone forgot about them. So I’ve met Vee, Mamma Luca and Amanda Alexander, among other people. They are really interesting and fun to be with, and they have even taught me a couple of more advanced spells, which I will teach you about today:
- Whifire: Mamma Luca taught me this spell, which is used to summon fireworks out of nowhere. This one sounds like it should be quite easy to pull off, but the fact that you produce it out of nowhere is very important, because it means that you are violating the basic laws of physics and that conservation of mass is a joke for you. She said it’s not dangerous at all, and that it’s quite fun to throw it into people’s faces! However, with her kind of power level she is practically invulnerable, and considering that she reminisced on the roasted faces after she told me that, I wouldn’t point this spell towards anyone you love.
- Llamalia: this one came from Vee, he said that you can summon a llama using this one. He stressed the point of pronouncing the double l in the same way in which Spanish speakers pronounce it, and not to confuse it with ‘Lamia’, which is a fairy-like being of the rivers that might as well help you, but could also curse you and all of your descendants for centuries to come. Also, he warned that 1 in 10 llamas are violent sociopaths that might as well rip your face out of your skull. Be careful with this one.
- Rafflesha Undetarra: this one came from Amanda, and she said it’s a family spell that comes from way back. Apparently her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother was a powerful witch that travelled the world and meddled with the Dark Arts. When she got to Indonesia, she was fascinated by the Rafflesia Arnoldii, the plant with the largest flower in the world, and she took a specimen which she brought back to her home in current day Iowa. With it she created the Refflesha Undetarra, a monster that rots the flesh of any creature that is touched by its stench and tortures the souls of those who look at it. There are some important conditions that need to be met to be able to summon this creature (for example, being a direct descendant of Amanda’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother), which means that most people will actually not be able to summon it. I have just included this one in the list to show you the potential that magic can have.
I hope you experiment and use the spells I’ve sent you in new and creative ways. As yo can see, if you learn magic you can go wherever, and even become one of the most powerful people of the Multiverse. But, most importantly, you can have tons of fun!