This week in the news:
Town Heroes arrested in Town Council’s political move
This week, Vitor Vico, also known as Vee, the most popular candidate for the mayoral elections of this town, has been unjustly arrested by the Town Council’s forces. This is thought to be part of the Town Council’s maneuver to reduce Mr Vico’s popularity with the public, which has been earned through hard work and service to the community.
He was arrested this Friday, along with several of his frequent collaborators, with charges, right when he had taken care of the threat that the citizens of Bloody Christmas 1999 were posing to the rest of Fiery Creek. Vitor Vico and Mamma Luca had also just finished a ritual to destroy the giant asphyxiating plant that protected the Town Hall and had overgrown, also threatening the lives of citizens that may need to get anywhere near Town Hall.
The Council, who has a mayoral candidate of their own – a puppet of the Council -, could not allow the popularity of Vee to grow anymore, as he currently has 99.99% of the people’s approval -the last 0.01% was Doris Waters. None of this newspaper’s workers dared to go ask her, in fear of the psychological torture -, which is the reason why he has been arrested, along with all of his collaborators. No Council member has dared to deny this fact, and, in fact, Council member Amelia Beyer stated that “she was proud that they had taken the decision to unfairly place Vee in prison”.
Several citizens have reacted in social media saying that Vee and the rest “should just escape the prison using their powers”. Vee has responded with calming comments saying that he “will abide by the law and clean his name in a trial”. This has created an even greater uproar, with comments like “He is a good man, he should be freed!”, and “Stop the political arrests!” firing up in the media.
The support for the Council is lower than ever, with only 27.42% of the people thinking that it is still necessary to have an unelected Council in a modern democracy. However, of these only 5.14% support the current Council, while everyone else asks for a change. A demonstration has been organized for Tuesday, and several thousand of the citizens have already stated their intention to join this demonstration to stop the Council’s rule
The following is a list of the arrested citizens and their charges, along with an analysis of why these are fake:
- Vitor Vico, mayoral candidate: arrested for homicide of Doris Waters. There is actually no evidence for this charge, only a witness, which is Doris Waters herself. How could Doris report Vee killing her? This is obviously a political trial.
- Anne Black: also arrested for the involuntary homicide of Doris Waters. The prosecutors claim that she killed Doris, but they also claim that she did so in a completely different event that happened in the Library. While there are several witnesses who saw this, Doris could not have been killed twice, while still being alive. There is also no evidence for this one.
- Amanda Alexander: it has recently been known to the public that she is a monster hunter, and that she had handed the Police several monsters that she had lured into her basement and killed before they could pose a threat to the town. She is accused of killing her mother in law, but it is not known whether they mean a relative of hers, or the infamous Mother In Law, Eater of Souls, Bane of the World.
- Laurel Lewis: before coming back to save town from the Apocalypse, this brave citizen had traveled to several Ancient Civilizations for a holiday that she had taken from her job. Her being one of the few people who have time traveled, and the only one to visit Ancient Egypt, Walter Simmons, pyramid enthusiast, has accused her of transporting his pyramids back in time. The fact that she did time travel to Ancient Egypt does not prove that she had taken those pyramids.
- Erin Pyp, town Librarian: arrested for stealing intellectual property from other authors. Apparently, the wand that she used in her mission to save John Fier and Dominic Wess from the Registry of Lost and Found was very similar to those in the Harry Potter universe, and the IP Lawyers want to check them. Wands, however, have been part of the magic folklore for quite some time already, and their use is not subject to IP Law – according to Eleanor West, lawyer of town who will represent Ms Pyp.
- Mamma Luca: arrested for the murder of Isobel Paris, High Witch of the Fiery Creek Akelarre. This one is the most difficult one. Not only are there witnesses, but there is also footage obtained by said witnesses of Mamma Luca overpowering Isobel Paris. This does not prove murder, but Mamma Luca could as well face prison for homicide.
Some magic enthusiasts have taken the Quantitators’ ‘Most powerful people of the Multiverse’ list from last year and calculated whether the imprisoned people could, in some way, destroy the powerful magic that maintains the prisoners locked, and have discovered that, actually, with their powers combined they could probably blow up the whole planet quite easily. They have, however, insisted in taking matters to trial to clean their names peacefully, which we praise them for.
This newspaper, hearing their cry for peace even in the face of the worst injustica, can only do what has to be done to honour these people’s noble intentions: make a call for war. We think that Vitor Vico and his companions deserve a revolution of the town, and this is the reason why we call ANUS and every other citizen in this town to stand up against their oppressive government.
As our ancestors said, in their own countries: Viva la revolución!
Bloody Harpies come to town for first autumn concert of the season, Homicidal Babies cancels due to lead singer’s disease
The autumn concert season will start this Thursday with the usual events. This year, the Bloody Harpies have announced that they will “turn the desert red with blood” and that the concert-goers’ heads are “literally going to explode”. The demonic-metal band is making a comeback after a two year hiatus in which the band took some rest to find inspiration.
On the other hand, Homicidal Babies, a classic of every year’s autumn concert season, has canceled their concert in the last minute as “the lead singer had a disease that didn’t allow him to go on stage”. Fans have been extremely supportive and have said that they can wait until next time. Band members have been very thankful to their funs and have stated that “they will try to reschedule their murderous concert as soon as possible”.