Lynda’s easy magic potions: Prabalin’e

Today I am going to be talking about Prabalin’e, a potion that you totally need, but first I’m going to say a few words about my sister.

First of all, like, what a bitch. I understand that it’s, like, the Apocalypse, and that the world is going to end, and that some creatures that come from some dimension, like, much worse than Hell have come to torture our souls for the rest of eternity while everything ends in a huge blast, but – and I’m going to write this in capitals, because it’s, like, super important – CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I NEED TO TAKE MY STUFF TO BE ABLE TO LOOK FABULOUS?

I mean, of course she wouldn’t understand, because she is like a man – dresses like one, too -, but these 600 kilograms of supplies are, like, VITAL for me to look fabulous and super hot all the time. She was all like “Ditch that and let’s escape from these monsters!” and I was like “OMG, WTF is wrong with you, like, really? I need these things”, but she just pulled me away from all of it and let the monsters that were trying to kill us destroy them!

Let’s take a moment for this.

My sister let a monster destroy thousands of beauty supplies that were worth thousands just to save our lives, which are worth nothing in cash. ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME. There was a whole bottle of Azelyte in that stash! Like, really. Can you believe it? I still cannot believe it. I’m having trouble processing how my sister could do that. The only two possibilities are that she is either mad, or stupid.

Anyway, let’s stop talking about that bitch.

So, last time I told you about Azelyte, and how it is just perfect to adjust the make up perfectly, right? Well, but what is a perfect face without the perfect booty? This week we are going to solve that problem so that you can keep believing that you are ugly and need to look like a Barbie – the older models in which she looked like an anorexic -, while still lowering your self esteem even more, and we are going to make a Prabalin’e to do just that!

You are just going to need three things for this potion:

  • Cancer meds, stolen from a patient.
  • Deadliest poison you can get your hands on. The deadlier, the better. I recommend botox.
  • A low self esteem.

First, you need to marinate your low self esteem in lies and fake promises for a perfect body. Once you have hit rock bottom – you will know this is, because you will be willing to do anything for that perfect look -, search for cancer patients in the neighbourhood. It’s OK, it’s quite easy to distinguish them because they have no hair. Beat them up and steal their cancer meds.

Just mix the cancer meds with whatever poison you have, and then inject it into your butt. Once you have done that, you have to stand for the next five days, just so that the Prabalin’e makes effect. Your butt will look perfect after this.

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