The following Public Service Announcement has been made public by Town Council on the 13th July 2016. Its aim is to let citizens know that:
- We haven’t managed to change the rule that states that the Mayor has to be elected democratically in an election between the citizens of the town – if we knew where you’re buried, we would spit in your tomb, Mary Clark. We will go disturb your eternal rest with the ouija board later, though, just for the sake of getting revenge -, so we will open the period to nominate candidates later today. The period will last from today at 11:30 to today 12:00 AM. Each candidate that wants to receive a nomination will need to gather at least one thousand signatures that need to be approved by the Council as valid – good luck with that, MUAHAHAHA -, all of the documentation of the last 25 generations of their family – we are not specifying what this is, just so that we can reject whatever candidates we feel like rejecting -, endorsement from at least 3 long dead gods, monthly blood tests from the last 10 years showing that the candidate has never used any sorts of drugs, and backing for at least 15000 USD for the campaign.
- We are also proud to announce that the new Council has been formed with the newly brainwashed members. This brings back the Council to 12 members, none of which are going to be disclosed here, just to avoid letters of complaint about the questionable management that the Council members may need to deal with if the letters are addressed personally to each of them. Most of us will continue to be private entities, unless we need to participate in some sort of public act, in which case we will get all of the honours for something that we never did, which leads us to point 3 of this announcement.
- As we had already announced, thanks to the Council’s successful management of the town, the Eldritch abomination was taken away from town, the transformed citizens were turned back to normal and the fire that surrounded the town has disappeared. All of this was actually done by Mamma Luca and other citizens of the town, but we think that the Town Council’s role in reaching this solution was vital, so we are going to give ourselves a prize in a public ceremony this Saturday at 17:00 PM. Attendance to said ceremony is mandatory.
- The Council wants to announce that member William Sato has left the office as of today. This, however, is not the end of his political life, as the Shiba Inu plans to race for the position of Mayor. The Council approves of this candidate that fulfils all of the above stated conditions, and recommends the citizens of the town to choose an experienced politician that will abide by anything that the Town Council orders.