7

You guys had been walking down the rabbit-hole for a few hours. You were not pleased. You were not tired either. You still felt energized and as if you had had a meal just a while ago. But you had run out of patience.

“How long does this take?”

Dominic did not respond. He was walking a few metres in front of you, and had started to giggle a while back. You silently increased your pace and caught up with him. When you were right behind him, you put the machete to his neck without warning.

“Iiii…!”

“I’ve said how long does this take? Don’t make me repeat myself”. You were quite pleased with your new, more commanding personality. You still had not figured out how it had happened, but you were quite comfortable with it.

“It’s… it’s just a bit more!” he cried.

“How long is that?”

“That… that door over there!” he pointed.

You looked at it. It was pink, and brilliant, with glitter all over it. Around it where candies, plushies, flowers, and all things nice. It was all completely wrong. You knew it was a trap.

“How about you go in first?” you told him.

“No… no, I’m afraid…”

“I phrased it as a question, but it wasn’t a question. That’s a deadly trap, that I know. You are not going to trick me”.

“Please…”

You kicked him, forcing him forward, nearer to the door. As he advanced, a giant axe swinged across the corridor, cutting him in half. One half of the body contained part of his torso and most of the lower body, and the other half what was left.

“Aaaaah, you bitch, there was a reason why I din’t want to go through!”

“Yes, you wanted that to happen to me. You can go fuck yourself”.

“You are an asshole, you slut, I hope you get lost in this shithole and die with me!”

You thought about it. You did need him to be able to get out of the building. He also probably knew something about John Fier, who you were supposed to save. You wondered why you had not asked anything before that.

“No, you’re coming with me”.

“Not like I’m going to let you, you harlot!”

You grabbed the half that had his upper body and head. His arms tried to hit you, which was not a very comfortable situation to walk on. He could hurt you. He also weighed more than you were willing to carry.

“I’m going to get rid of some dead weight” you explained to him.

“What? What? You better not fucking damage my body anymore, you skank! You grotty harlot! What are you trying to do? I can’t see. Don’t do anything or you’ll pay, bitch. I’ll get my lawyer to…”

You swung the machete down to cut his neck right above his shoulders. The machete didn’t go all the way through, though, and got stuck into his spine.

“Aaaah, bitch, that hurts! Get that out of me!”

You had to cut his neck, so you hacked and pushed the machete even further. Blood was spilling everywhere, and the corridor looked like a slaughterhouse. You finally managed to push the machete through, and grabbed Dom from the hair.

“That’s better” you said.

“Better? You fucking wench! I’m going to make sure that you go to prison after this!”

You looked around and saw that the pink door had disappeared. “Where has that trap door gone?” you asked.

“It was a defensive portal. You cannot go through it without making a sacrifice of blood” he explained. He suddenly shrieked “My poor body!”

The two halves of his body were trying to recompose into one, without much success. They were trying different position, the upper part on top, the lower part in front, but none of them worked well. It was funny as hell.

“It’s not funny! You should help them! I mean… you should help it! I mean, me! You should be helping my body!”

“Not that I care” you walked towards the door, which looked normal now. Before crossing, you decided to ask. “What’s behind this?”

Dom had a serious face. “The most powerful being in the known multiverse”.

“OK… And isn’t there any other route outside?”

“No” Dom sighed. “I’ve spent a long time here”.

“It’s true…” suddenly you remembered. “What about John? Also, what about the creeping presence that was following you?”

“I don’t know what you mean by the creeping presence. John and I got separated when Deborah’s corpse attacked us”.

You looked at the door. You would have to cross at a certain point, so you opened it. The room was big and well illuminated. Most of the room had been built in metal, and there was a steel throne in the centre of it – it was so much cooler than that iron throne thing -. You approached the throne, where a toaster was lying, undisturbed.

“What is a toaster doing in here?”

Dom was panicking. “Show some respect! That is our Lord! The most powerful of all…!”

You looked back at the toaster. “Wait, you mean to tell me that this filthy toaster is the most powerful being in the known multiverse? That’s bullshit, man”.

Dom opened his eyes widely. “What are you saying, you crazy woman?”. Then, to the toaster “Please, oh Lord, forgive her for she is an ignorant. We beg of you, let us out of this room”.

They waited for a good two minutes, and there was no response. You were not surprised. “See? It’s just a filthy toaster”.

You swung the machete against the toaster. Unlike what happened with Dominic Wess, this time the machete just sliced through. You were suddenly struck by some magic. It was so dense that you could actually see it coming out of the toaster. Dominic was also under the effect of the spell. You couldn’t breathe, and your heart had stopped. You felt existence vanishing around you.

When the spell ended, you were nothing. You were just simply nothing, but you were nothing together with Dominic Wess. Decidedly, that sucked. You just ignored all of his complaints. You both were nothing, so it was not very difficult.

A voice in your brain woke you up. “Anne”.

“Hrm… hello?” you answered.

“I’m here to help you”.

You noticed how you were slowly being pulled out from nothingness. You suddenly recovered your normal personality, and started to panic.

“What… what has happened? I was in the Registry of Lost and Found and…” you noticed Dom Wess bitching and remembered. “Oh my God! I got this man sliced in half and then I cut off his head! But I wasn’t fully me, it was like…”

The presence slapped you right in the nothingness. Surprisingly, it hurt like hell. “Calm down, Anne. I’m Mary Clark. I have been helping you all this time”.

You waited for a bit. Nothing happened. “Oh, that’s it?”

“What do you mean, that’s it?”

“Well… I don’t know, it’s just… I’m sort of dead right now, right?”

“Well, technically you’re not, but in general terms… you sort of are”.

“So, maybe it’s the films I’ve watched or something, but I expected some spirit-hologram kind of thing for you to present yourself”.

“Well, that’s not how things work in real life”.

“Oh. OK” you were kind of disappointed.

“Well, let me explain, then. I am Mary Clark, Mayor of the town. The machete you found used to be mine. I kind of hijacked your mind to protect you from the horrors of the Registry of Lost and Found”.

“So what happened to Dominic, and those corpses that were left behind our route, and all that…?” you asked.

“Yes, that was me. Also other things that I’ve forced you to forget, because they would have scarred you for life”.

“And the attack on the most powerful being of the universe…?”

“No, that was definitely you”.

“Oh. That was stupid”.

“Yes, it was”.

There was an awkward silence. You spoke again. “So how come you are now reversing that toaster’s spell?”

“I have some help” she explained. “Also, don’t ask from whom. I can only tell you that Mama Luca is one of them. The rest, I cannot tell you”.

You found yourself in a corridor, still holding Dominic’s head. The machete, however, was gone. You had leapt back into existence.

“Thank you” you thought.

“You better fucking be thankful” Mary Clark answered. “I thought you were just going to leave without saying a thing”.

“Anne!”

Erin and I were both running towards you. We were out of breath, but we both looked well.

“Anne, I was so worried! You’re OK!” Erin said.

I looked at your hand. “What is Dom’s head…?”

You looked at it, as if you had just realized that it was there. You then looked back at us and tried to reassure us. “It’s a long story…”

“This fucking bitch cut my body in two and then beheaded me!” Dom complained.

“Whatever” Erin interrupted Dom’s rant. “We don’t have time for that. She is coming”.

“Who?” you asked.

“Deborah Peterson’s corpse” I explained. “She has been following us for quite a while. But we cannot find the exit of this place”.

A corpse holding a machete, much like the one that you had held, but also much unlike the one that you had used, appeared at the end of the corridor.

“Run for it!”

We all ran into the corridors. We had to devise a escape plan.

Outside, time had slowed down. In Fiery Creek, it was still the 23rd of June.

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