This week in the news:
Eldritch abomination and fire around town taken care of
This magazine is happy to inform its readers that the town has been freed from the Eldritch abomination and the fire that has surrounded the town for a couple of weeks. It was all done through the heroic actions of Mama Luca, the local Italian Mafia leader, who brought the Mediterranean sea to the middle of the desert in order to get rid of the creature.
The Town Council, in a short communication from Barbados, has underlined the important function that the town authorities have had in this difficult period to maintain the social order and has stated how their intervention was key to destroying the Eldritch abomination and getting rid of the fire that trapped the citizens inside town. They have also stated that they are going to take an extra few days in Barbados to celebrate this victory.
Meanwhile, every citizen in town is happy to know that the danger is gone. “It’z been an stressful couple of weekz, trying to keep ze children zafe” Liza Kulmala, mother of three and one of the heroes in today’s story, has stated. “This is how our town has always functioned, and how it should keep functioning” Doris Waters added, who did nothing to solve this problem, did not know what we were talking about, but wanted to be in the spotlight anyway.
More of this news inside this issue.
John Fier and Dominic “Dom” Wess, missing
John Fier, current owner of the Fier family bar, and Dominic Wess, head of office in the Registry of Lost and Found, have gone missing this week. Apparently, John received a call from Dominic, asking to go help get out of the Registry of Lost and Found, and went to rescue him. None of them have been seen since.
A search party has been organized to go into the Registry of Lost and Found, which has been highly altered by the apparition of the Eldritch abomination. It is impossible to know what is currently inside, but, having searched the whole town and the desert around it, the only hope to find these two men alive is to find them inside the Sand street building of the Registry of Lost and Found.
If you possess any information about these two men, or would like to go on an adventure*, please contact the town police. All help is appreciated. Thanks in advance for all of the collaboration.
*From which you may not come back alive, or just simply come back. You may come back but leave your soul behind, or you may end up so broken that you will count as a dead person. But you will probably be at least heavily traumatized.
Animal population growing in town
Spontaneous transformations are increasing the town population of animals – decreasing, at the same time, the population of humans -, which creates a need for a space for all of these animals.
Non-pet creatures have started to claim some territory for themselves, stating that the cat and dog majorities do not take them into account, and that minorities are being bashed and discriminated all around town.
Dogs and cats, who are already going through tense negotiations of peace with each other, do not appreciate this pressure and have jointly condemned the strain that the minority groups are placing on the negotiations. Rex and Mittens have stated, in separate addresses, that they will address the problem of animal minorities when they have established peace between dogs and cats.