Important Sites of Fiery Creek 4: Main Square

Main Square is a meeting point in the centre of town. Well, maybe not exactly in the centre of the town, but a little bit towards the south. Like a kilometre or so, nothing that you cannot cover in a calm fifteen minute stroll. Come on, it’s not that bad. I mean, it’s a bit inconvenient for people who live in the Revenant District, but as for the rest of the people… it’s not that bad.

So, in previous occasions you got to Town Hall, the Library and Mama’s Gelato Shop. Getting to Main Square should not be a problem at all. Are you serious? I gave you directions last time. Oh, now you’re coming with that? Well, f*ck you. I’ve said I’m not giving you directions and I am absolutely not going to give you any directions. You get there by yourself.

Main Square, as the name indicates, has an octagonal shape. That’s right, Main Square has 8 sides to it. There are only two entrances, one in the east and the other one in the west. This was done to avoid that piskies got there. Piskies like to get a lot of iron, which makes them highly susceptible to magnetic fields – like the Earth’s – and thus can only move in a North-South axis.

Apart from Town Hall and the Library, other memorable buildings that surround the square are:

  • The Spanish Centre for English Education, where Spanish teachers teach you English in a heavy accent. No Spanish students accepted.
  • The Parallel Reality cafeteria, located in both sides of the Square, exactly symmetric to each other in every aspect. While you take coffee there, your evil self from another reality takes coffee on the other side!
  • Evil Public Toilets of Doom, the only public restrooms in town, will probably be responsible for your ill fated death if you walk into one of them. It’s one of the best rides in town.
  • A Chinese shop. We don’t know what they’re doing there, or how they earn the money to pay for rent in such an expensive location. They may be related to the black mamba gang somehow.

Then, inside the square, there is a number of Citrus trees placed in perfectly calibrated positions. Not a single Citrus tree is repeated, and their positions are extremely relevant. It all has strong magical properties that, if written incorrectly, can kill the user, so I’m not going to write them here. Seventy three people died in the planning of this orchard only.

In the very centre of the square, in a pedestal about a metre high, there is the sacred lemon tree. The roots of the tree produce lemon juice, which is channelled into four fountains in a cardinal point each. Citizens and visitors can drink from this with two purposes: healing from injuries produced by any sort of magic and finding Town Hall.

That’s right, the trick to finding Town Hall quickly is to drink from the fountain. When they hear this, some people say, Easy, being unaware of how acidic lemon juice can be. It’s not that easy. There is a jug in the north fountain to drink from. In order to get to Town Hall, you have to fill and drink the whole jug of lemon juice. Of course, you cannot add any sugar or sweetener. If you do, it won’t have any effect. You have to drink the pure lemon juice. See, I told you it was not that easy!

This is also going to clean you from all of the filthiness that you live so comfortable with, and in that state of purity you will be able to see and access Town Hall. It’s going to purify your body and soul, and you’re going to feel like shit. Yes, I know, it’s much easier to live in sin.

And, if you are one of those people that like lemon juice…

You are a monster.


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