If there is a place in town that brings happiness and sorrow to the town, that is Mama’s Gelato Shop. If you want to experience a real roller coaster, I recommend you visit the ice cream shop located in the centre of town. It will take you on the wildest trip on the roller coaster of life.
Mama’s Gelato Shop is one of several establishments opened by the Italian mafia in the early 20s, when Mama Luca “took over” the Family, which basically means that she had a huge argument with Papa Luca and kicked him out of the house. From there, her empire only grew, to the point in which a whole district was renamed to Mama’s District, where she lives and operates most of her businesses now.
However, Mama’s Gelato Shop is exactly where it was first established. Its main function used to be – and still is – money laundering for the mafia, which it did – does – effectively. It also serves some of the most delicious and slippery ice cream in the world. Be warned that a great reward usually requires a great sacrifice.
So it’s another Tuesday. You are in the middle of the desert, where it’s hot all year round. Almost instantaneously, you will think that you need something fresh, something like an ice cream. Your desire will grow, slowly at first, exponentially after that. When your desire reaches a certain threshold that can be detected by arcane magic, you will be teleported into the shop. Make sure that this does not happen while you’re at the loo, please. The rest of us want to enjoy our ice creams.
Now you are in front of the ice cream, with flavours in excess of 300. If that is not enough to overwhelm you, a group of Italian shop assistants are all looking at you, with their perfectly tan skins, their teeth as white and perfect as newly placed gravestones, their dark hair and green and brown eyes that make you fall in love.
Nervous and blushing, you look at the first few flavours and try to choose something that will say “I am not a whore, but I’d totally let you have me if you wanted to”. You consider the flavour of sweet and cold revenge, but discard it for sounding too dark. You finally see what you are looking for: strawberry cheesecake, two scoops.
You pay $2.30, take the ice cream and give it a slutty lick, much to Doris Waters’ dismay. She will call the town police, but luckily your actions are not illegal according to town regulations. Meanwhile, you will have to calmly accept that those Italian shop assistants are on duty and will not jump on you, so you will give up and leave the shop.
Here is where the roller coaster starts. The next 20 minutes – if you somehow manage to keep the ice cream for that long – are going to take you from the highest ecstasy to the greatest misery. There is absolutely no technique that will allow for a perfect ice cream experience. That’s the price you pay.
I would help you, but I’m meeting Ms Pyp, the librarian, for some ice cream. This is our first date in 50 years! I wish you luck, and hope that you get the best of that ice cream.