Important Sites of Fiery Creek 1: Town Hall

It is quite easy to get to town hall. You just need to desire to want to go there. You may want to go there to visit the building, built in 1873 in the style that famous town Oracle Diane Vines predicted would be trendy in 2073. I would describe what it looks like, but a common thing with buildings of that style is that they are indescribable in physiological terms, which means that the language processing centres of the brain get blocked when you look at them. Or think about them.

So you have this desire to get to town hall for some reason. Well done. Now you need to go to the centre of town, and find your way to Mama’s gelato shop. It’s fairly simple, look for the ice cream and broken dreams trails and follow them all the way to Mama’s gelato shop. Should be easy. Yep, you’re on your way. Great job, you’re good at this!

Now, I would tell you to stop there and take some ice cream, but the next part is hard enough without you having to balance two scoops of strawberry cheesecake ice cream on your ice cream cone. Leave it for another occasion.

The next step is a bit more complicated. Basically, you need to get lost. I don’t mean anything like lost in thought, or “getting lost”, like your annoying rich hipster friend says. You know which one I mean. Yep, I mean Emily. Or Emmelie, I think she wants us to write it like that from now on? I don’t know, I can’t keep up with all of the things that are going on in her life. It’s way too much to cope.

What you need to do is get miserably lost. Walk for a couple of hours without finding your final destination. You will ask for directions, and everyone will tell you that Town Hall is right in front of the municipal library. However, when you get to the library and look for the Town Hall, you will not find it there. You will feel like you are walking in circles, wandering aimlessly through the same set of streets trying to obtain a different result. In the end, you will sit next to the orange tree in Main Square, weep and give up. As you cry, an orange will fall from the tree, hitting you hard in the head and leaving you unconscious.

When you finally get up, you will see it there. Completely indescribable. You will post a picture on your *nstagram and will only get likes, no comments at all. Congratulations, you’ve made it to town hall, as has been said, right in front of the library. There is a shortcut to all of this method, but you need to know the particulars of Main Square to be able to use it. I will explain them to you in another occasion.

So now that you are here and you have taken enough pictures of the building to make a mural of stamp sized pictures big enough to cover the whole Sistine Chapel ceiling, you might as well walk into the building. It’s OK, this one is hardly as dangerous as any of the other buildings in town.

When you get into the building, it’s customary to do the Macarena dance. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don’t, you will just fall down a trap door right behind you into a pit full of vine plants that will try to asphyxiate you. It’s fairly easy to get rid of these if you can summon a spirit of fire or if you have a flamethrower at hand. Some say that we ripped this one off a certain magical school in Scotland, but Town Council has always denied this, showing proof that our system was established in 1891, including the Macarena dance, which didn’t exist yet.

Inside you can visit the Mayor, Laura Garcia, and the rest of Town Council, composed by the only cool animals in the Chinese Zodiac (hint: the dragon is not one of them!). They will give you autographs and a pat in your back, congratulating you for making it all the way to their offices, and then will ask you to leave politely.

If you were to take too long to leave the building, the Mayor is allowed to throw against you an immortal Bengal tiger that will haunt you for the rest of your life and kill all of your loved ones, so be swift! Make sure you let the Council workers be productive (and remember that this applies to all 9 days of the week!).

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